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Just for fun ... /!\ .. it's in english !
'That's the Irish all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing and a serious thing as a joke' - Sean O'Casey 
 
| Saint Patrick : "Au fait, Mahomet, comment on fait pour interdire qu'on nous dessine ?" |  | Les Irlandais du monde entier fêtent aujourd'hui la Saint-Patrick, un missionnaire qui a converti l'Irlande au catholicisme et fait du trèfle le symbole national du pays (évocation de la Sainte Trinité). Les leprechauns, ces petits elfes typiquement irlandais, sont souvent mis à contribution lors des réjouissances.
La vague de protestations qui a suivi la publication des dessins du Prophète a causé au moins une cinquantaine de morts lors de manifestations au Proche-Orient et en Asie ; trois ambassades danoises ont été attaquées. En Allemagne, un groupe de pression turc annonce avoir engagé une action en justice contre le quotidien Die Welt, qui a publié les douze dessins incriminés ; au Danemark, le parquet, dans une décision sans appel, a finalement renoncé à poursuivre le quotidien Jyllands-Posten, à l'origine de la publication de ces dessins. | | | Dessin de Martyn Turner | paru dans The Irish Times(Dublin) Courrier International.com
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J'ajoute les blagues de Dominique : Un anglais, un écossais et un irlandais vont au pub et se prennent une bière. Soudain 3 moustiques tombent dans leurs verres, la tête la première. L'anglais repousse son verre, dégouté. L'écossais retire le moustique et continue de boire, comme si de rien n'était. L'irlandais retire aussi le moustique, le tient au dessus de son verre et hurle "Spit it out, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD !"
Et dans le Sud Ouest, les blagues de chasseurs : tu connais sûrement celle-ci? 2 hommes vont à la chasse. L'un d'entre eux s'effondre, blanc et sans vie. L'autre appelle le Samu, affolé. "Il est tombé, il est mort, qu'est- ce que je peux faire ?" Le docteur lui répond calmement :"Assurez vous tout d'abord qu'il est bien mort." Il entend alors un coup de feu, puis "Bon et maintenant, qu'est-ce que je fais"
(La Canadian touch) La meteo irlandaise vue par P-O & Alex : "Il y a trois temps differents en Irlande - 1/ Tiens, il va pleuvoir ; 2/Tiens, il pleut ; 3/ Tiens, il a plu ! L'accent irlandais vu par Marion : Lorsque vous entendez un Irlandais dire "boot", il ne parle pas des inombrables bottes qui emplissent les vitrines des marchands de chaussures irlandais, il dit en fait "but" (= "mais") ; Lorsqu'un Irlandais vous dit "Good Look" il ne parle pas de votre nouvelle coupe de cheveux mais il vous souhaite bonne chance ... Seamus do you understand French ? - I do if its spoken in Irish. "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt. "Do we now?" came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.
What have Irishmen and Jesus Christ got in common?
The both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had a job.
Seamus was getting irate and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late."
"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?" "Well, Mike," said the doctor. "I can't quite diagnose your case. I think it must be the drink."
"Sure, that's all right, doctor," said Mike. "I know how you feel. I'll come back when you're sober."
She followed her husband to the public house. "How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?"
"Now!" he cried, "And you always said I was out enjoying meself."
First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head."
Lost at Sea, two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To his amazement, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish,not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer! The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat." Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Scotsman, and Paddy the Welshman were all flying together in an airliner. The captain announced that they were losing altitude rapidly and that one of them would have to jump out to save the others.
"I do this for the glory of Scotland," said Paddy the Scotsman and he jumped out.
"We need to lose more weight," said the captain, so Paddy the Welshman shouted, "I do this for the glory of Wales," and jumped out.
"Sorry," said the captain. "I'm afraid we need to lose the weight of just one more person."
"I do this for the glory of Ireland," said Paddy the Irishman and threw out Paddy the Englishman. An Irish man is sitting in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, let me try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin." An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking." A DCU, a UCD and a Trinity student were in an airplane that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses the DCU student first: "What do you believe in?" The DCU Student replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses the UCD student: "What do you believe in?" The UCD student replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die....Waaahhh." God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then addresses the Trinity student. "What do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."
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